Last night, Vicki and I headed over to Julie's for dinner (spaghetti! yum!!) and an evening of brainstorming on Game Over, my hitherto-undescribed first novel. Specifically, I wanted the three of us to come up with a brief-but-compelling "blurb" for the book - something suitable for the back cover that would serve as enticement for a typical reader who might be browsing. We spent a good three or four hours at this, throwing around ideas, looking at other examples, and attempting to hit just the right notes. I'm not sure we've quite got it yet, but I figured it was probably time to seek some feedback from the blogosphere. Therefore, I'm going to share what we have right now and ask you to add a Comment indicating what sort of effect - if any - the current blurb had on you. Did it intrigue you at all? Did it make you more - or less - interested in getting your hands on Game Over once it's published? In general, do you think it's effective as a 'hook', and why (or why not)?
So, without further ado, here's your very first taste of Game Over (keep in mind the wording is likely to change between now and publication):
Malcolm Greene has always considered himself somewhat of a flight risk – the kind of guy who runs at the first sign of trouble. And trouble has definitely found Malcolm and his colleagues at Great White North Games, as the company’s new hit video game, Knight of the Living Dead, seems to be wreaking havoc. Unexplained slowdowns are plaguing systems even after players exit the game, leaving the company’s reputation hanging in the balance. As Malcolm and friends race to uncover the source of the problem in the software, strange occurrences in the real world begin to distract them. The son of Malcolm’s co-worker is pushed in front of a bus, a dead body turns up in a freezer, and a mysterious computer program seems to be influencing reality. Will Malcolm put his exit strategy into effect or will he stick around long enough to unravel the puzzle before it’s Game Over?
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4 comments:
Overall it left me feeling somewhat interested. Seems like a 'ghost in the machine' story and/or lines between virtual-reality and actual reality becoming blurred.
The 'unexplained slowdowns' seems like a bit of a downer when contrasted with 'Wreaking Havok!!!' in the previous sentence.
You could possibly change it to something more vague and mysterious in the blurb like 'unexplained behaviour' or 'strange lingering effects'...
I am intrigued, and I must agree with Jimmy that "unexplained slowdowns" seems a bit drab to me. However, that may be due the industry I'm in.
Could something like "unexplained lockups" or "unexplained system resets" be used?
I'll be honest, this blurb could have started with, "It was a dark and stormy night" and I'd still be committed to buying a copy.
Sorry for the late comment, it's been a busy week. The premise sounds interesting to me, but I've come from the software development side of things. But I think if my wife (who's non techincal) read it she would likely skip over it. The reason I say that is because at least a third of the description is more or less talking about debugging, a game. I think emphasizing the weird real world tie ins might open it up to a bigger reader base.
Here's my thoughts. I'm a "less is more" kind of guy :)
Malcolm Greene has always considered himself a flight risk – the kind of guy who runs at the first sign of trouble. And trouble has found Malcolm and his colleagues at Great White North Games. The company’s new hit video game, Knight of the Living Dead, is wreaking havoc. Unusual defects are plaguing the system, putting the company’s reputation on the line. As Malcolm and friends race to discover the source of the problems, strange occurrences in the real world begin to distract them. Someone is pushed in front of a bus, a dead body turns up in a freezer, and a mysterious computer program appears to be influencing reality. Will Malcolm run from his problems or will he stick around long enough to unravel the puzzle before it’s Game Over?
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