If You're A Guy

and this Onion article, entitled "But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them", doesn't bring back painful memories from days gone by, then either you're

a) lying,
b) gay, (not that there's anything wrong with that),
c) still living that pathetic shell of a life even as we speak, or
c) luckier than any human being has the right to be!

A favourite excerpt:

"It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me."

(And boy, am I ever glad that Vicki eventually tired of having me at her beck and call and made an honest man of me!)