If I like it, why the Hell don't you?

If you've ever had a friend or acquaintance who was always pushing you to try whatever stuff they happened to like, this blog's for you!

I'll freely admit: I like recommending things to people, if I think there's a reasonable chance they'll enjoy whatever it is. But I firmly believe there's a protocol to such things, that I try to live by:

1) Always ask before giving the person the item. Believe it or not, there are people on this planet who don't feel comfortable simply handing you the item right back, like I would if I didn't want it. So they'll feel obligated to take that Complete Season 1 of Gilligan's Island DVD set, even if only to stick it in a drawer somewhere until the day you ask for it back (or ask how they're liking it). A simple "Would you like to borrow it?" before actually handing it over works wonders for separating the wanted from the unwanted. And if you think the person is likely to find even that innocent a question hard to honestly say "No" to, then change the wording to "Let me know if you'd ever like to borrow it because I'd be happy to lend it to you anytime." This latter wording has the added value of encouraging the other person to set the timeframe for borrowing the item, in order to fit their schedule, not yours.

2) Try to think in terms of whatever you know about their tastes, not what a lifetime of living in your own skin has taught you about your own fetishes and perversions. Growing up a lover of comic books, I learned this lesson early. As unbelievable as it may sound, it turns out not everyone considers the death of Gwen Stacy, in Amazing Spider-Man # 121, to be a fascinating topic of discussion! Crazy, I know... but true! If I hadn't picked up on this (admittedly, wacky) fact when I did, I'm sure I could've ended up as the guy who's always in the conversation that the other person's desperately trying to get out of. Yeah, that guy. And who wants to be that guy? Same logic applies to recommendations. I could push any number of comics on any number of people, but if I don't have some reason to think they're going to like reading them, why do it? Which leads to number 3.

3) Consider why you're making with the referrals. Here are some popular, but, at least in my opinion, poor reasons for doing so:

Poor Reason A: "Please validate my tastes for me. Because, of course, if you like what I like, then what I like must be good. And all I need is enough people to say so and then I'm validated." If you really need that in Life, then just like whatever's currently popular and you'll never lack for validation again! You could think of that approach as a cheat, but I like to think of it as just removing the middle man.

Poor Reason B: "You're too stupid to know what's good for you. Luckily I came along because now I can straighten you out. Someday you'll thank me for this, trust me." Right! The question most people will wonder about you is actually, how the Hell did you ever survive adolescence??

Poor Reason C: "I want to lend you stuff because, ipso facto, then I can borrow stuff from you. I scratch your back, and then the shoe's on the other foot, know what I mean?" If this is your model, you probably also have a mental chart showing every person who's ever owed you a lunch, a ride home or the use of their stapler.

As far as I'm concerned, there's only one reason to recommend something to someone: because you honestly believe they'll enjoy it. That's all. You, the lender, won't necessarily get anything out of it. Now, chances are fair that the person will at least want to talk to you about it afterward, but even that's not a given! So do it out of selflessness, or don't bother, is my rule.

Now, of course, I've opened myself up to cries of Foul! from anyone with whom I've broken any these rules. But I try hard to live by them, and I wish everyone else did, too! And if you're the victim of a hard push type, tell them about the great blog entry you read on the Internet and send them this way! It could save your life (or at least, some time)!