Dialogue Vs Debate

Something I've started noticing in certain meetings at work is the difference between dialogue and debate. I've never personally been fond of debates, because they tend to involve closed-minded people not listening to each other. After all, the point of a debate is to take a point-of-view, and then defend it against all attacks, while simultaneously looking for opportunities to shred the opposing view. As an academic exercise, I guess there's some value to that; but in a collaborative environment, it seems more a liability, than an asset, to me.

Today I did a little Internet research on this topic. While I didn't find anything particularly surprising, what I read brought together a few points I'd not considered in relation to each other before.

First, debate seems to be favoured by those types of people who care more about being proven right, than learning something new. I can certainly see some of this in my own personality, and the whole "going Agile" experience has pushed me to the limit in terms of being able to accept new ideas. Upon reflection, I can recall times when I've debated points instead of engaging in a dialogue about them. I'm reminded of something the Man from Mars posted recently, which essentially advised: "Speak as if you're right; listen as if you're wrong." There's nothing wrong with defending your position - in fact, it's essential - but being able to consider that maybe you're wrong, as you listen to the other side of the argument, would seem to make a world of difference.

Also, having a dialogue displays a degree of respect that debating is mostly lacking. I'm sure that master debaters (not to be confused with... oh never mind!) would say that they always feel and show respect for their worthy opponents, but the rest of us, while in that mode, tend to fall into a frame of mind similar to an adult-to-child relationship. "I know so much more about this than you could possibly understand, so if only you'd listen to my points, you'd understand just how silly your stance really is." We'd never come right out and say that - well, most of us wouldn't - but there's often an under current of that attitude, I find. And again, I count myself among the guilty in this regard.

One document I read even offered up specific wording that you can use to help you stay within a dialogue framework. Ask for clarification to address your own confusion, for example, instead of simply dismissing whatever you just heard as "nonsense" or "ridiculous." Or saying, "I'd like to talk some more about how we'd use this to solve the original problem" rather than "There's no way that idea would even solve the issue we're talking about" can open up lines of conversation, instead of closing them.

So those of you who work with me, you now have standing orders to help me turn debates into dialogues, including my own.