As it happens, I have a fair amount of respect for people who hold religious beliefs, despite the fact that I'm not one of them. I guess I'd qualify that to say that my respect is inversely proportional to the extent to which a particular follower forces their beliefs onto others. If your religion leads you to offer your time and energy up to helping the poor or the sick, that's a laudable goal that should be applauded by all. But if your favourite scripture is imploring you to kill those who perform abortions or harass those who seek them, or to speak out against marriage between same sex couples, then I have no use for you or your crazy notions. I suppose that's because my personal belief is that every person can give of themselves as freely as they wish, but we don't get to tell other people how to live their lives (other than where crimes are being committed).
But religious fervour is pretty high in the world these days, so maybe it's time I got on board. I can't really see myself converting to some existing religion, because I'm pretty sure none of them would meet my ridiculous standards (such as those expressed in the preceding paragraph). So that means I probably need to start my own. Hmmmm.
My first thought was that maybe I'd like to form a relgiion around a cute furry animal, because I'm fond of critters, for the most part, and maybe I could end up saving some species that would otherwise be wiped out by Man's innate right to become the only species on the planet. The first candidate that came to mind was the woodchuck. I'm not sure why, as I know very little about the little buggers. But I could already hear the words of our Holy Psalm:
How much wood
Would a Woodchuck chuck
If a Woodchuck
Could chuck
Wood?
It's divine, it's sublime, and Holy Chuck, every child of four knows it already!
But then I had a crisis of faith and worried: what if it turned out that woodchucks were dirty, nasty creatures that wouldn't hold up under scrutiny or heavy worshipping? What is these chuckers of wood ended up having feet of clay? Could I take that chance?
As if from On High, a new thought occurred to me: why not build my church around beings so pure, so heavenly, as to never court disappointment? And who could possibly fit that description better than Superman and his holy brethren? They're practically gods to begin with! Now you're talkin'!
Within seconds I'd realized that this idea was truly perfect. Think about it: You need a good holy book? Marvel and DC are cranking out new chapters every week! Got a follower faced with a moral dilemma? Simply suggest they ask themselves WWSMD - What Would Spider-Man Do? You want to allow for future sectarianism so that our new religion can grow and flourish across the planet? How do Marvelite, DC Universalist and Dark Horseman sound to you, just for starters? Outstanding! You need a holy day to worship on? Duh! Wednesdays, when the new comics come out, are already it, man! And if churches are slow to be built, worshippers currently congregate at comic stores, so with just the tiniest bit of organization, you're halfway home! How awesome is that!?
And here's the cherry on top: whatever stories you don't want to attach divinity to, you simply retcon away! And that's retroactive continuity, for the infidels in the audience who don't already speak in such tongues. It means that you get to go back and change how things were previously portrayed to have happened, by simply introducing a new story that contradicts what went before! It's like a license to re-write history, my friends! What religious fanatic wouldn't chew off a finger to have that kind of power? Seems almost too good to be true, doesn't it?
Well, anyway. I don't think I can do it. I think the sad truth is that I lack the divine drive that's required to get behind a movement that's founded on faith and scripture, instead of science and reality. I love imagining things that don't exist, but I'm not so crazy about believing in them. I enjoy reading a good story as much as the next guy, but don't see any value in mistaking fiction for fact. So it looks like religion's just not for me, but more power to those who use their beliefs to do good work during their short stint on the planet.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I should bring in the previous issue of Wired where there's a pretty in depth article about the current 'crusade' against religion.
There are a couple of proponents that say that not only do they not believe in religion, but they indicate that people who do follow an organized religion should not be allowed to pass it down to their kids.
The term for these anti religious zealots is 'new atheists' or 'brights'.
I liked the one description of an atheist who describes himself to religious people as someone who completely dismisses as useless what the religious hinge their entire lives upon.
I would definitely enjoy reading such an article, despite the fact that I don't fall quite that far over on the intolerant side.
One of the stranger things about religious fervour, to me, is the fact that so many people can believe so feverishly in their own stories and gospels and yet be so completely sure that all of the others are rubbish. That reminds me of something, but I'm not sure what. Maybe it's the Star Trek (original series) episode with Frank Gorshin in which some of the aliens are white on the right side of their face, and black on the left, and they consider the white-left, black-right members to be completely inferior and contemptible. Few things have painted so clearly the arbitrariness I see in the distinctions people make over really stupid things. You'd think that any person who'd have a truly revelatory experience would have nothing but empathy for another such soul, regardless of the trappings around it. And yet they fight tooth and nail to wipe each other out, or shout each other down, or convert each other over.
Madness!
It should also remind you of the B5 episode with the scarves.
When I started reading your post at the top I was thinking you'd let Tammy guest Blog and like her childhood desire to write her own language she was now espousing to write her own religion...but no...it turned out to be you writing as soon as you started worshiping comics!
Post a Comment