Reefer Al Followup

First, I admit it: I just really like writing, typing and saying "Reefer Al"! So any excuse to bring him up again is good enough for me!

Also, as Jim Hinckley pointed out in his comment on the original Reefer Al entry, I neglected to mention the precedent for the "10% Kickback Referral Program." Let me correct that oversight now.

Back before the dark period of New Guy Day 4, I was still at the bank but desperately wanted to get out of there and into something that at least had the potential of being more interesting than watching paint dry. A much younger Jim Hinckley had worked with me at the bank for a couple years, and then had his fill and bolted for greener pastures, which it turned out were to be found in the office where we both currently work (a few corporate name changes later). So off he went, but because we'd struck up something of an acquaintanceship at the bank during his time there, we made a point of keeping in touch. However, unlike most such ambitions, we did it right: we agreed to try very hard to meet for lunch every Monday! By putting such a lofty goal in front of us, it seemed more likely that we'd actually work at it, and sure enough, we did! For several months, with the occasional exception due to one or the other of us being unable to make it, we met weekly for lunch. He'd seemed genuinely interested in hearing what was new at the old place (generally: very little, although the gang he'd left behind was full of characters who were always up to something funny) and I'd always prod him with questions about what life was like at the new place. He was very happy with the change, and had mostly positive things to say about his new job. Actually, he was honest enough in his portrayal of the culture there, warts and all, that I felt like I had some idea of what it was like, without having ever set foot on the premises.

Eventually, after several months, I reached the point where I'd made up my mind that I was going to get out while I still had some semblance of a work ethic left. At one of our lunches, Jim asked if I'd be interested in having him refer me to his boss. I asked what that meant, and he described the referral program they had in place then, including the cash bonus. Which prompted me to say, "So, if you refer me, and I get hired, then you get a big bonus out of it.. and what do I get?"

To which he replied, after only the slightest of pauses, as if to confirm that his hearing wasn't faulty, "Uhhh.. A job?"

Undeterred, I pressed on. "Yeah, sure, but theoretically I could get a job there without your referral, so what's in it for me to have you refer me?"

He could've fired back with observations about how important it would be to have someone within the shop vouch for me, or how this process would pop my resume to the top of the pile. Instead, recognizing that he was up against a pro, that he'd met his match, that the jig was up, Hinckley kindly offered, "How about if I give you 10%?"

"Now you're talking! Yeah, that sounds fair."

"After tax, I mean." He was already doing the math in his head and worrying that possibly he'd eat the tax, and I'd feast on most of his take-home.

"Oh, of course. I'm not trying to screw you, after all."

And thus was born the "10% Kickback Referral Program," in which I did Jim the favour of allowing him to refer me for a job, at the low, low cost of only 10% of his bonus (after tax).

To which I can only add two postscripts.

# 1: Despite what you read above, which is 100% true (other than possibly mangling the exact words used), I rank among the world's worst negotiators. My wife excels at the art; I more than make up for her skill with my own ineptitude. I could tell stories of just how bad I am at it, but for now, trust me: I suck as a haggler, a barterer, a price-negotiator, you name it. And yet, for one bright shining moment, I was up to the challenge, as if my Uncle Bruce (who's been known to try to get discounts from grocery store cashiers) had temporarily taken control of my body. I can't explain it, but it happened; and it still makes me smile all these years later.

# 2: Young Jimmy also referred at least one other person around the same time, who is now a friend of both of ours, and who prides himself on how good of a haggler he is. He spent about a year in the Middle East when he was younger, where arguing over the price of everything is a way of life. For years, I took the occasional good-natured abuse from Mr Haggler on the topic, since it was clear to him that I couldn't negotiate my way out of a soggy paper bag... until the day that I let slip the details of the "10% Kickback Referral Program" in front of him, at which point his face dropped and it came out that he'd gotten bupkiss when he'd been referred by JH! Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but vindication smells sweetest with a 10% sticker slapped across it!

I've no doubt Reefer Al would've been quite proud of me that day... if he wasn't too high to appreciate the joke, of course!