Ten Step Program For Becoming A Highly Successful Shut-In

1) Work hard to ensure you don't form any new friendships
(Check! Been doing that for awhile already.)

2) Start reducing the number of social events you go to
(Check! No Company 'holiday' party for me this year!)

3) Begin ordering more and more of whatever you need online
(Check! Did a lot of last year's Christmas shopping that way, plus I hear you can even get groceries that way!)

4) Build up extensive in-home entertainment options
(Check! Got my big screen TV, DVD player, PS/2, XBox, up-to-date PC, nice-sized pile of unread comics, really, really big pile of re-readable comics, plus hardly-used billiards and foosball tables!)

5) Stop bothering to get dressed on weekends and during days off
(Check! Check! Check! and Check!)

6) Start using e-mail as preferred form of communication, even with individuals located only a few feet away
(Check! E-mail avoids all that confusion that can come from body language, eye contact and the difficulty in suppressing yawns.)

7) Stop answering the door at home
(Check! That one's so obvious I'm surprised it even made the list!)

8) Point out to spouse that staying inside's just common sense, what with all those terrorists on the loose. And its not like you've built a bomb shelter in your backyard or anything crazy like that
(Hmmmmm.....)

9) Build a bomb shelter in your backyard, just in case

10) Stop going outside