Friday, November 10, 2006

Ten Step Program For Becoming A Highly Successful Shut-In

1) Work hard to ensure you don't form any new friendships
(Check! Been doing that for awhile already.)

2) Start reducing the number of social events you go to
(Check! No Company 'holiday' party for me this year!)

3) Begin ordering more and more of whatever you need online
(Check! Did a lot of last year's Christmas shopping that way, plus I hear you can even get groceries that way!)

4) Build up extensive in-home entertainment options
(Check! Got my big screen TV, DVD player, PS/2, XBox, up-to-date PC, nice-sized pile of unread comics, really, really big pile of re-readable comics, plus hardly-used billiards and foosball tables!)

5) Stop bothering to get dressed on weekends and during days off
(Check! Check! Check! and Check!)

6) Start using e-mail as preferred form of communication, even with individuals located only a few feet away
(Check! E-mail avoids all that confusion that can come from body language, eye contact and the difficulty in suppressing yawns.)

7) Stop answering the door at home
(Check! That one's so obvious I'm surprised it even made the list!)

8) Point out to spouse that staying inside's just common sense, what with all those terrorists on the loose. And its not like you've built a bomb shelter in your backyard or anything crazy like that
(Hmmmmm.....)

9) Build a bomb shelter in your backyard, just in case

10) Stop going outside

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha seriously it's funny now, but if you ever lose your marbles you're gonna be one scary guy!

Kimota94 aka Matt aka AgileMan said...

"If"??!!!? Don't you mean "when"?

Anonymous said...

What about don't answer the phone? Or if someone in the house answers the phone and it happens to be for you (slim chance of that, I know) - don't take it.

I love the don't answer the door one. Although some people get very upset if they see you're inside but don't answer the door when they ring/knock. It's as if they think they have the right to disturb you on your property.
The nerve!

Anonymous said...

I knocked on your door and you didn't answer. I'd always wanted to meet you. I was very disappointed.

Kimota94 aka Matt aka AgileMan said...

Phew! What a relief that I missed the horrible Ms Anderson's visit!

Fortunately, Natalie Portman and Evangeline Lily know the secret knock!!

Anonymous said...

1) Offset that by introducing new friend from Vicki's work into the mix
2)OK, let Matt win the holiday party one but isn't there a fun holiday involving being in a park and counting down numbers...whoo who..can hardly wait
3) More interaction with mailmen..perhaps could be scheduled with handymen
4) In home entertainment options..let's see - partylite, tupperware, MaryKay,....
5)Ah my personal favourite...lovely mad scramble to find the shorts when the doorbell rings...we're gonna traumatize some poor 8 year old selling cookies
6) Honey, whatchadoing? Oh just sitting here in the other room writing comments on your blog.
7)..yikes...more blogs to read...no more time for comments...I'll never catchup