You Call This Free Crap A Perk?

I had an imaginary conversation in my head tonight, while we were out shovelling. Don't look so askance, I do it all the time - carry on internal dialogues, that is, not move snow around, thankfully - so this was nothing special. But some of what I was picturing myself talking about with someone at work seemed interesting enough to me when I was done that I figured it'd make a mildly-entertaining blog topic, which brings us... here.

So what I was thinking about was the fact there seems to be a growing sense of entitlement happening at work. It's hard to put my finger on precisely what gives me this impression, but it always seems strongest when we get anonymous questions during All Hands meetings or at company events. I think we must've set a record, for example, for "shortest time between announcing a new benefit and having someone try to make it even more generous" when the prospect of free cable slipped out (prematurely) in a company meeting and then was immediately challenged in terms of coverage... in the same meeting! Maybe it's just my old-fashioned upbringing acting up, but it really bothers me whenever people are given something and instead of first saying, "Thank you," they instead complain about it, belittle it, or act like they're entitled to it. I'm not talking about getting paid or anything that we, as employees, really are entitled to; I'm thinking more in terms of free lunches, articles of clothing, new benefits that are added to an already-impressive set, as well as donuts and other treats that are often provided in meetings. That sort of thing. I've started noticing in recent years that very few people even bother to say "Thanks" to any of those! Is it a generational thing, and parents in the last twenty or thirty years have stopped teaching their children basic manners (I know we put a lot effort into it with Tammy, but is that typical)? Or is it more a mentality of believing that you're owed everything you get (and more), regardless of whether or not you actually did anything to deserve it? I don't know.

One of the first times I saw this in action was a couple years ago when I invited my team over to my house for a summer pool party. I hosted the party, I provided the food, drink and snacks, and even made sure everyone had a ride there and back. As far as I could tell, everyone had a good time (which was the goal), and then when it was all over, one person out of a group of eight or nine thanked me! I'm sure that some of the others thought that I was simply doing my job in hosting the party, and that I'd certainly expensed all of the costs involved (I hadn't) and so, in their minds, it was no different than if I'd set up a meeting at work and invited them all to discuss our next project (despite the fact that we spent the time swimming and hanging out, but I'm splitting hairs now, aren't I?). Now, once again, my intention in making that event happen was to reward the team for doing all the great work they did, and give us all a chance to interact outside the office, since that usually fosters better teamwork. I didn't do it to be thanked, or appreciated, or even win the Boss of the Year Award (although, damn it! I should have won!) Nor did I cry myself to sleep that night after only one person showed any appreciation. But I did think it odd. And I still do.

With our move to Agile recently, we've been having more meetings lately that involve all levels of staff. Pre-Agile, meetings used to be, for the most part, the province of management. When someone today complains about having "too many meetings", and I look at their Calendar and see that today they spent 2 hours in meetings, I can't help but think back to the days when I used to be in meetings from 10:00 in the morning until 4:30 in the afternoon, with (sometimes) no break for lunch. Some of our management staff still have days like that, but that's another story. Anyway, we realize most people don't like meetings, and yet there are legitimate times when meetings are really valuable. Retrospectives and planning sessions, for example, happen frequently and are critical to the success of an Agile Feature Team. Here again, my faith in human nature took a small hit. I started off bringing donuts, cookies or muffins to these get-togethers to soften the blow, but eventually realized that no one really appreciated them. Ate them? Yes. Gave any indication they thought it was anything special? Nope. And this wasn't just on my team, but also on most others that I've interacted with. What surprises me about this is that, even if I assumed whoever providing the treats were expensing them (I do about half the time), they still have to go out and get them! Not to mention: think of providing them, be organized enough to allow time to get them before the meeting, and possibly provide some variety by bringing different stuff each time. Again, not a big deal in and of itself - we're all merely human - but seemingly right in line with the bigger trend I'm ranting about here.

My biggest worry on this topic, though, is that we're establishing a culture (of entitlement) that will ultimately work against our own best interests. I'm pretty confident that showing disdain or indifference toward kindness that's shown to you will always result in an eventual stop to the gift-giving. In fact, the only type of relationship I've ever seen where the one-sided imbalance between the giving and the taking continues for very long, is that of child and parent. Everywhere else, people just stop giving out after awhile (even in most marriages, I think). And since I like the perks we get at work, I can't help but selfishly hope they're not going to end anytime soon. I just wish more people had that perspective!