Budgetary Constraints

I had an interesting conversation with someone at work today, on the topic of living within a budget. That discussion got me thinking about how tumultuous the matter of finances has sometimes been between Vicki and I, and the fact that money and kids - and spending money on kids! - are among the top things that couples typically argue about.

When I was still on my own, I don't think I really had a budget, I just lived like I did! What I mean is, I paid my bills and put a little money into savings, and then whatever was left over was available for me to spend on whatever I wanted. Since I didn't want a lot, that simple plan worked pretty well.

But when Vicki and I got together in late 1989, it quickly became clear that we had different approaches to money. She'd had to endure two marriages already in which the other half either didn't make much - or any! - money, or made it in fits and starts. So saving wasn't something she'd had much experience at, but stretching out a dollar had been done to death, as far as she was concerned! With both of us making reasonable money in those days, her natural reaction was to want to be able to stop counting pennies and just live, whereas I was very debt-averse and wanted to make sure we were going to be debt-free as soon as possible. Forces moving in opposite directions, headed for a collision.

What eventually seemed to work for us, though, was the budget approach. Seeing where every dollar we made was going made it easier to have discussions on the topic without them becoming ugly. I think some couples, facing this challenge, fall into the "you're spending too much!" "no, I'm not! *sob*" trap that makes the whole subject uncomfortable for both and therefore little progress can ever be made. In our case, it was simply a matter of first sitting down and looking at where the money was going. Nothing subjective required; just figure out where it goes right now.

Once we had that pie chart drawn out in front of us, it was an ongoing debate but over a much smaller bucket of money. For example, the money for the mortgage, and our utility bills, and the car loan, and groceries, and child care for Tammy, well those were non-negotiable so there went over half the take-home money, right off the bat! Then we started looking at the more discretionary spending outlets, like stuff for the house, and new clothes and old comics, and even savings. Since we only had $xxx coming in every pay for all of those things, how did we both want to split the money up? One of the decisions we made early on, that I believe was crucial - and we still live by it today - was that any splurge money we might each get had to be equal, regardless of who was bringing home more bacon every pay. After all, if we're really a couple then it's our money, not hers and mine. I personally despair for couples who weight that sort of thing based on whose income is higher, but different strokes, I guess.

And after we'd negotiated our proportionate slicing of the pie - which was always entertaining but in reality there was a lot of it that I didn't care that much about, as long as we stuck to what we said - then we'd live it for several months or a year, before looking at it again and seeing what we wanted to change. The rigidity between adjustments drove Vicki crazy at first, I could tell. She as much as said, "We're both making a good living and yet I still can't just buy whatever I think we need!" Which was usually the cue for us to re-open the budget, and move those self-same dollars around once again. And that was always my stance: "Here's what we have to play with. We can slice it any way we want, but we can't pretend it's bigger than it is." (Maybe in her Guest Blog appearance shortly, Vicki'll give her side of this tale, since I'm sure I'm slanting it too favourably in my own direction.)

The crowning moment for me, after years of us arguing over the budget, and then adjusting it, and then arguing more, and then adjusting it some more, was when Vicki made some comment to a friend of ours about how great we were doing financially, thanks to living by a budget! I almost laughed out loud when she said it, but then I realized she should be bragging about it, because she'd been as responsible for it working as I was, despite her repeated bangings up against it over the years. Never once, for example, did she ever just go ahead and spend money that wasn't there, no matter how much she'd have liked to. And she put a lot of thought into the budget adjustments we'd do, rather than just throwing up her hands and saying, "Fine! Whatever! I give up!" like she must've felt like sometimes. In fact, an archaeologist could probably recreate our relative priorities over the nearly two decades we've been together by exhuming our various bank passbooks and Excel spreadsheets! Maybe vacations were big in 1990, for example, while paying the mortgage down even more aggressively won the day in 1998 and 1999!

Bottom line: I think having a budget - and sticking to it - is one of the most important steps you can take on the road toward financial stability - and even freedom! I'm pleased and proud beyond words when Tammy talks of her commitment to a budget, and hope that she'll really live that dream when she graduates this year and starts making the big bucks. It's a tough habit to get into but the benefits just seem overwhelming to me.

Or, you could just count on winning the lottery, I suppose...