Going Back In The Zone

As I've occasionally done in the past, I'm going to record some of the thought processes that went into writing In The Zone, my most recent short story. I expect these notes will be of most interest to future Kimota94s, who may've forgotten many of the details by then, as I'm wont to do. Since this post will contain some spoilers about the story itself, please follow the preceding link and read In The Zone before proceeding, if you care about such things.

Quick refresher: Hinckley provided the opening sentence for the story:

I awoke with a start in the "recovery room" of what passes for a hospital in the free zone... free of government monitoring.

First off, I'll say that I loved what Hinckley offered up. It suggested a couple different, but similar, storylines to me when I first read it, so it was really just a matter of choosing between them. In the first, the speaker would turn out to be delusional about most of what was going on around him. The "free of government monitoring" angle indicated possible paranoia to me, and so I could've gone with that. But the other direction that appealed to me more, the more I thought about it, was obviously the one I eventually adopted. Given my current "obsession" with the PS/3 Resistance: Fall of Man video game, the idea of imagining a gaming environment so immersive as to be - by design! - indistinguishable from reality was truly exciting! I'd seen this territory covered before, of course, in the likes of the TV show Harsh Realm, for example, or even the holodeck in Star Trek: The Next Generation. But in a short story you can actually sell it as reality, and have the VR aspect be the reveal at the end. I'd bet money that that particular angle's been done before, too, in short story form, but I don't recall reading one, and so it appealed.

For a story to have a twist at the end and be effective, though, I believe a couple of rules have to be obeyed. First, it has to be possible for the reader to guess the twist, though hopefully not probable. I've read stories where things go in the most absurd directions at the climax, and the reader's left wondering where the Hell that came from! On the other hand, some punchlines are so telegraphed as to be insulting to the intelligence of the reader in suggesting that they should be surprised. It's a tough tightrope to balance on, and I'm not sure how well I did it here (in the absence of much feedback). I used Vicki as my sole canary in the coalmine, as I asked her to read the story before I published it, specifically to see if she'd find it obvious. One thing apparently gave it away for her, which I subsequently changed: I had originally called the Free Zoners by a different name, which was the Resistance (as a tip of the hat to my fave game right now), but she said that immediately made her think of it as possibly being a video game. I took that as my cue that I'd have to give up my homage in pursuit of not telegraphing the twist. Without that giveaway, she said, she didn't think most people would guess it so easily.

So what were the other clues in the story, if I was playing fair? Well, there were a lot of them, which is why I'm still worried that guessing the twist may've been too easy. Admittedly, some are pretty subtle, but here's the big long list:

- "In The Zone" (while seemingly just reflecting the "free zone" from Hinckley's seed sentence, it also suggests the state that gamers often get in, where everything around them fades away as they're immersed in the experience)
- "most school kids today know about it" (kids today know video game stories better than actual real world history)
- "not that hiding out was something I really wanted" (in video games, many players - including your Humble Blogger - really hate levels where you have to sneak around to achieve your goal, preferring all-out action to the more covert sort; plus, in hindsight, you realize he's paying a lot of money for the luxury of sitting in a hospital room)
- "a few precious minutes of [rest]" (first indication of a time pressure, which eventually is revealed to be a pay-to-play scenario for access to the expensive technology)
- "she didn't look like any Shirley I'd ever met" (video game avatars always look a little off, no matter how good the graphics get!)
- "I had no way of knowing what sort of programming she might've had" (I almost didn't leave this one in, because it seemed too much, but I really loved it and hoped the reader would assume the programming in question meant brainwashing/propaganda conditioning, a reasonable interpretation at that point, after all)
- "Would you like a tour of the facility?" ("Shirley", the nurse/tour guide.. I wanted to suggest a weirdness here that would make the reader go, WTF?, but also suggest the notion of an in-game AI that would help the new player get orientated)
- "something about her was just freaking me out" (again, the not-quite-right graphics of the AI player)
- "The clock was ticking, after all" (second reference to time crunch)
- "As soon as the nurse lost interest and wandered away..." (a typical response among AI characters when they've said their lines and aren't programmed for more interaction with the players)
- "a few hypodermic needles that I knew would come in handy" (I wanted this to read like foreshadowing, such that the reader thinks, "Ah, I'm going to see those in action later", rather than asking, "Why would syringes come in handy?" which would lead one to think of some video games using them as health restoration items)
- "couldn't find anything resembling a weapon" (first mention of a firearm, and maybe the moment when some might start thinking "video game..")
- "I felt a burst of adrenaline hit me" (again, in some classic shooters, adrenaline is a game construct to give you increased health, strength or other abilities)
- "If I was to make it past them - or better yet, through them! -" (what kind of lunatic actually wants to fight, rather than avoid, a dangerous threat? only a video gamer who knows it's not real!)
- "I hadn't taken the time to complete my training before being sent it" (many sophisticated games include training levels where you learn the use of the various weapons, how to jump, how to sprint, and so on)

Too many? Maybe. You be the judge. But certainly there were enough to pass rule number one.

The second rule to obey is: Does the ending make the reader reconsider some of what they just read. In fact, ideally it should make them want to go back and re-read it, to see if it holds together under the new perspective they now have. Speaking personally, I love that in a story, not the least of which because you get so much more enjoyment out of it. The first movie Vicki and I ever watched twice, in quick succession, was The Sixth Sense. When we got to the end and the big reveal came out - which neither of us had guessed - we finished the movie and then started it again, wanting to see it through new eyes and look for mistakes (we didn't spot any). That's what you want in a twist ending, if you ask me.

Anyway, those are my reflections on writing In The Zone. I'd like to thank Jimmy for the great opening, as it took my mind to places I really enjoyed. And that's a kindness I'll glady accept anyday!